Distant Songs Play Loud

All of the lyrics

Heard 1000 times                                                                                                        hurt;

Now… I look at walls and see your face,

Cracks in floor,  Trace your veins.                                                                                           Its empty… it’s exploding

Poetry of song repeats and it calls us                                                                         no

It calls everything into question.

Let’s just sit and listen. Turn it up.                                                                                             Louder please.

Play Parabola again, Its my favorite.                                                                                                                                                                                 You are somewhere else…                   Sound just echoes back.

The volume hurts my ears.

At least that pain I understand.

I can’t hide this reality from both of us. Put it on repeat.

Send a text.  Wait.

Its dishonest; I apologize for that.

Things aren’t going so great.  You usually already know.

I don’t know if you’re safe;            I don’t pray.

If I did, it would be for you.

Love in Glass Houses

We edify our partner by having no intention of doing so. By looking at them without judgement and seeing something sincere reaching back to us; looking inward instead for form or function, blame or guilt, strength or solace. We all need a partner we can trust and turn to, but we give them tools and power when we examine our own reaction first and find some measure of what we need before laying our anxieties out for them. Could this lead to communicating openly with a partner as to what is missing instead of banging our love struck heads against a wall? It is starting to seem to me like this might be the route to helping those you love and asking for help in turn; rather than the standard routine I always play out…

There is an enormous burden of responsibility on anyone attempting to love someone else. People are incredibly fragile. We break like little china dolls. Maybe when we look to ourselves for the cause of our own anguish or source of our own relief we protect our partners feeling just a little bit. Or maybe I’m a stupid self-loathing bitch Lucy, how would I know everybody’s always told me I’m the one that’s wrong-over reacting or hyperventilating. Maybe its all the hyperventilating.

I suspect that I’m on to something. I think that when we start to detract from the ones we love is when we start to look at them first, find fault with their actions, fail to see our own role in every social dynamic, forget where the scared innocent human inside them is (its always there Lucy). We stop being able to edify our partner the  moment we begin to try to do so. Of course they have flaws but no we can’t fix them, it sounds easy and cliche but we always get caught trying. Maybe just by being honest and communicating about our own bullshit they won’t be afraid of theirs.

Judgement doesn’t seem to make people like you. Labeling them most likely will never encourage trust. We have so much power in the lives of someone else, we give them so much power in our own. Could we maybe do more to edify each other if we were just a little less judgmental and a little more forgiving? Aren’t we all glass houses?